Why My Hands are Full...

Sometimes I see these people with 9 kids (or 19), or sextuplets, or even 3 or 4 kids and I feel guilty for feeling so frazzled having two. How can I possibly be so busy?

Well, I have two under two, which probably isn't as hard in many ways as having multiples, but it is hard. I have one who does things and moves at her 22-month-old pace, and one who wants to be held constantly. Juliet's had me her whole life to herself, and expects me to give her some of me. I expect that, too. Doesn't always work out like that, but I try. She needs her meals at mealtimes, and snacks. She need stories and baths and Simon needs a lot. I'm breastfeeding him, which is a whole new world to me, and so satisfying, but also means that I simply can't do everything I want to be doing. I can't hand him off to someone with a bottle. I can't take a nap with Juliet after a particularly rough night. Simon has reflux (and possibly a milk allergy), which means he cries a lot. He needs to be held and winded and wiped up a lot. It's exhausting without a toddler to contend with at the same time.

 

Then there's the fact that I'm doing it mostly on my own. There are a lot of reasons for this. The biggest is Steve's working schedule. He's gone a lot of hours each week and when he's on nights, we're a bit like passing ships (not to mention the need to keep the kids relatively quiet while he sleeps). Then there's his general personality, which is not to get involved in the parenting decisions. He has had to step up some since Simon has arrived, but he's fairly hands-off. This is an area we have to work on. Marriage is hard, but we love each other and love our children-- those are hard truths, so the rest we can work through. Things had got a lot easier for us when Juliet reached sort of 10 months, and that happened so quickly-- I know we'll be back to that easier stage before I know it.



Oh, and I'm a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to tidyness and housework. How I love my lists, and even more than that love ticking things off the lists. Letting that go is in itself hard work, but I'm trying.

So I think I'll give myself a little break. I'm doing a pretty good job. My children are smart, loved, cuddled, clean, fed, and kissed to death, so overall I think I can just about manage these hectic early days. My days are pretty packed, and sometimes I look up and wonder how we got to 8 pm without accomplishing much of what was planned, but every single day I go to sleep saying thank-you prayers for my babies and our little family. I wouldn't trade it for anything.